12/17/17 - Eph 6:4 

The Father's Responsibilities Towards His Children. 

Lesson #17-134

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MjJ4fde50k

Pastor/Teacher, Jim Rickard
Grace Fellowship Church

www.GraceDoctrine.org

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Before we begin, if you are a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, (If You have - Trusted in Him for Eternal Life), it is important to prepare yourself to: Take-in God’s Word and/or Participate in a Communion Service, so take a moment to name, cite, or acknowledge your sins privately, directly to God the Father. This will assure that you are in fellowship with God the Father & the Holy Spirit’s convicting ministry will then be able to teach you as the Holy Spirit is the real teacher.

1 John 1:9 says— “If we confess [simply name, cite, or acknowledge to God the Father] our sins [known sins], He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins [known sins] and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness [all unknown & forgotten sins].”

For those of you who have not yet accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord & Savior, please see: The Salvation Message @ the end of this document.

2 Pet 3:9, “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”

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Eph 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

“The Bible records the sad results of parents neglecting their children, either by being bad examples to them or failing to discipline them properly. David pampered Absalom and set him a bad example, and the results were tragic. Eli failed to discipline his sons and they brought disgrace to his name and defeat to the nation of Israel. In his latter years, even Isaac pampered Esau, while his wife showed favoritism to Jacob; and the result was a divided home. Jacob was showing favoritism to Joseph when God providentially rescued the lad and made a man out of him in Egypt. Paul tells us that the father has several responsibilities toward his children.” (Bible Exposition Commentary - Be Rich, Ephesians).

In the Greek, (comma) this verse begins with the continuative use of the Conjunction KAI, “and,” with HO PATER for, “the fathers,” in the subject Nominative Plural, and “do not,” the negative particle ME. Fathers are addressed because they represent the governmental head of the family on whom rests the responsibility of child training and discipline, just as God the Father is our head and we are His children. Nevertheless, both parents should heed this instruction, yet the main responsibility falls to the fathers. So this means to stop doing something which a lot of the parents had been doing. 

“Provoke to anger,” is the verb PARORGIZO, παροργίζω that means, “make angry, provoke to anger, or enrage.” It comes from the root ORGE that means, “anger.” It is used here and in Rom 10:19, regarding Israel provoking God to anger. Some ancient Greek translations also use it in the parallel verse in Col 3:21, for “exasperate.”

Col 3:21, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

For Col 3:21, other Greek translations including those applied in the NASB, use the verb ERETHIZŌ for “exasperate.” ERETHIZŌ, ἐρεθίζω means, “excite, arouse, provoke, irritate, or embitter.”

But in Eph 6:4 PAROGIZO is used where fathers, (i.e., parents), are commanded about “provoking” their children to anger when disciplining them. This refers to causing a lasting bitterness, not just an angry outburst. It is used in the Retroactive Present, Active, Imperative, for a command to stop doing something that began in the past and continues into the present.

How do parents cause anger or exasperate their children? The answer is very simple; unjust treatment, abusive authority, taking your frustrations out on your children, etc. Parents have no right to abuse the authority given to them. We will see more of this below.

The ones the parents are not to cause a lasting bitterness to occur in their souls is, their “children,” HO TEKON, τέκνον in the direct object Accusative, Neuter, Plural, with the Genitive of relationship Pronoun HUMEIS for “your.”

This is a commandment to parents against nagging their children to the point where they feel helpless to achieve your expectations, or by unreasonable demands, petty rules, or favoritism. Such actions cause children to become discouraged, Col 3:21. Parents who constantly goad their children may cause them to fall into a state of perpetual resentment.

Fathers and mothers provoke their children and discourage them by saying one thing and doing another, by always blaming and never praising, by being inconsistent and unfair in discipline, and by showing favoritism in the home, by making promises and not keeping them, and by making light of problems that, to the children, are very important. Christian parents need the fullness of the Spirit so they can be sensitive to the needs and problems of their children.

Here are some other possible causes of angering our children:

• Failing to take into account the fact that they are kids.
• Comparing them to others.
• Disciplining them inconsistently.
• Failing to express approval, even at small accomplishments.
• Failing to express our love to them.
• Disciplining them for reasons other than willful disobedience and defiance.
• Pressuring them to pursue our goals, not their own.
• Withdrawing love from them or overprotecting them.

Instead, you should train and instruct your children, as we see in the second half of this verse. We should be aiming at encouragement, not discouragement!

Having given the command of negation for what not to do, we now have the positive command of what parents should do, “but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

The opposite of “provoke” is “encourage.” Notice the three actions to which parents are called to encourage their children, “bring up, discipline, and instruct.” The fact is, if left to themselves, children will be rebels, so it is necessary for the parents to train their children. Paul is basically saying that dads should care for their children lovingly.

1. “Bring up.” First, we have the contrasting Conjunction ALLA, “but,” then the Present, Active, Imperative verb EKTREPHO, ἐκτρέφω that means, “feed, nourish, bring up, or rear.” It comes from the root TREPHO that means, “feed, nurture, or bring up,” where our verb has the prefix EK that usually means, “out from,” but here simply adds emphasis to this word for nurturing your children. As such, it means to, “provide for physical and spiritual needs.”

It is used only here and Eph 5:29, regarding the love a man has for his own body demonstrated by “nourishing it.” In like manner, our verse uses the word for a command to bring up children, with the implicit idea of loving provision, training, and instruction.

This is followed by the Accusative, Neuter, Pronoun AUTOS in the 3^rd Person Plural for “them,” referring back to the children. 

2. “Discipline.” Here we have, “in the discipline,” which is the Dative Preposition, EN, “in,” with the Noun PAIDEIA παιδεία that means, “training or discipline.” This is the word from which we derive “pedagogy,” the science or profession of teaching. It can refer to discipline, but normally contains a broader meaning of “education,” the entire training and instruction of the young, including directing and correcting. Therefore, “discipline” involves training, including punishment, as we see it in other usages below. This word is first used here in the NT, but is also found in 2 Tim 3:16; Heb 12:5, 7-8, 11.

2 Tim 3:16, “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.”

Here, we see what parents should be using to discipline and train their children, the Word of God / Bible Doctrine.

In the Hebrew epistle, it is used regarding God’s training and discipline utilizing punitive discipline, (i.e., Divine discipline), toward the wayward adult Christian child, to get them back into God’s plan for their lives.

Heb 12:5-11, “And you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, "MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD, NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM; ⁶FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES, AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES." ⁷It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ⁸But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. ⁹Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? ¹⁰For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. ¹¹All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

The other “discipline(s)” in this passage are cognate nouns and verbs of PAIDEIA. In light of what Paul has written about anger, Eph 4:26, 31, such discipline must be done under control. 

3. “Instruction.” Here we have the coordinating Conjunction use of KAI, “and,” with the Dative of the Noun NOUTHESIA, νουθεσία that means, “admonition, warning, counsel, or instruction.” It is a narrower term than PAIDEIA, referring to training by word or instruction. “Instruction,” carries the idea of teaching, counsel, admonition, or warning, and perhaps verbal instruction. This word is used here and in 1 Cor 10:11; Titus 3:10.

1 Cor 10:11, “Now these things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come.” The example here was God’s discipline of the people and nation of Israel because of their reversionism.

Titus 3:10, “Reject a factious man after a first and second warning,”

In our passage, the overarching charge to fathers to bring up, discipline, and instruct their children is “of the Lord,” which is the Genitive, Singular of KURIOUS, κύριος. Therefore, children are to obey “in the Lord,” Eph 6:1, and here parents are to bring up, train, and instruct, “of the Lord.” Therefore, fathers are to teach Christian instruction and discipline in a way that honors the Lord.

As we noted in vs. 1-3, loyalty and submission to one’s father and mother in the context of the Covenant was absolutely vital for the passing on of God’s blessing from one generation to another. Likewise during the Church Age in which we currently live in, it is vital for proper function inside the Plan of God for your life.

Parents are charged with the solemn responsibility of carefully instructing their children, both by precept and example; to live for God and His testimony, rather than following the corrupt example and mind-set of the secular world around you, as authentic heirs of God’s blessings bestowed on you, just as the Hebrew nation at the time of the Exodus was.

So important was this principle for the perpetuation of the faith in the nation of Israel that each family and each assembly were to recite the creedal declaration of the SHEMA set forth in Deut. 6:4-7, “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! ⁵You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶These words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart. ⁷You shall teach them diligently to your son (or children) and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.”

The parents were to set the tone for their home and all who live in it, making it clear that their main purpose in life was to put God first in their lives and live for Him, rather than for the ambitions and goals of worldliness in a vain search for happiness and meaning in a career of egoistic self-seeking.

The NT likewise emphasizes the responsibilities of parents toward their children, cf. 2 Cor 12:14. Parents are entrusted with the responsibility to educate their children, cf. 1 Tim 3:4-5. A proper relationship with children is a model for the pastor’s relationship with his congregation, as it was in Paul’s case, 1 Thes 2:7-11. The things Paul notes here are a good lesson of how parents are to operate with their children in a loving, self-sacrificing way.

Areas of parental training include:

  1. In the physical realm, providing food, shelter, and clothing. The training comes through teaching them how to properly eat food, teaching them basic systems of grooming, provide recreation, provide training in the principles of health and hygiene.

  2. In the mental realm, providing a vocabulary with which to think. Training in the field of self-discipline and concentration. Training in the realm of freedom and respect for privacy, respect for property, respect for the rights of others, thoughtfulness.

  3. In the spiritual realm, evangelization of children followed by initial doctrinal communication. Academic instruction from the Lord, emphasizing the instruction from the local church. Parents are to always select a church where doctrine is taught, rather than one that offers young people’s programs.

Children also learn through observation:  

1. One of the primary places parents were to live out the instructions found in the overall letter / book of Ephesians was in the home. As they do, children are observing their parent’s own relationship to the Lord. They are watching them pray, study the Bible, and worship. They know if their parents are dazzled by God’s grace or not. Children are constantly observing how their parents value the Church. They are watching how their parents are speaking truth lovingly, working honestly, giving generously, encouraging others properly, putting away bitterness and anger repentantly, and forgiving one another Christianly, Eph 4:25-32, or NOT.

  2. The first picture of God children receive is from their parents. They will get a sense of authority, love, and protection from their parents. As they see and treasure this example, it will inevitably point them away from the parents to the ultimate Father. Even when you fail to reflect God before your children, you should teach them how to repent and receive grace from God.

  3. They are also forming their view of marriage based on their parent’s marriage. Give them a compelling vision. Remember you are giving your children a picture of the gospel, as well as demonstrating how husbands and wives love each other, Eph 5:22-33. One of the best things you can do as a parent is love your spouse and stay together.

  4. Finally, children are learning obedience, respect, and submission as they watch their parents submit to and obey God. This point is drawn from the immediate context also. A theme of submission and obedience and respect runs through Eph 5:21-6:9.

  5. Yet on the other hand, they also observe you walking in the world where your relationship with God is not really that important or imperative. Your example is influential. What are they seeing? Are they learning to value mission more than money? Faithfulness to God, over career success? Are they learning humility and repentance, or hypocrisy? Parents are under God’s authority, both in their roles to one another and in their roles as parents. Children are watching how you obey God.

Conclusion:

While the father bears primary responsibility for training and instruction, both share in the task of making children disciples of Jesus. It is best for both parents to be present in the lives of their kids. It is not the job of a day care, nannies, an institution, or grandparents to raise children. It is the parents’ job. Big homes, nice cars, and long vacations are not worth neglecting your kids. This requires spiritual discipline on the part of the parents, and especially on the part of dads. It may call for an adjustment of one’s lifestyle.

In Prov 6:20-22, the writer says, “My son, keep your father’s command, and do not reject your mother’s teaching. Always bind them to your heart; tie them around your neck. When you walk here and there, they will guide you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; when you wake up, they will talk to you.” Cf. Prov 1:8.

Though Paul does not say, “set an example for your children,” in vs. 1-4, this point is implied based on the previous chapters of Ephesians and by the focus on “teaching children.” What are children learning? They are learning basic Christian living by watching their parents.  Therefore, the father must be fair, loving, and consistent in attitude toward his child.

Finally, in your communication and education you may feel insufficient. You are right. Parenting makes you desperate for God’s help. Some days I think success equals keeping my children out of prison; on other days I think success is keeping myself out of prison!

In fact, we all fail as parents from time to time. This does not make us bad parents, (unless our failures are over a long period of time and consistent). Nevertheless, it simply means we need grace. Do not hide your need for grace, for that is part of the teaching experience too. Kids need to know that people fail in obedience, but there is One who did not fail. He stood in our place and gives us forgiveness and empowerment. They need to know Eph 1-3; in Christ, we are accepted, forgiven, redeemed, and made alive.

But take great comfort in Titus 2:12. Paul says the grace of God instructs us for godliness. While parents have this responsibility to train their children, God in His grace is working in their lives. Look to God for grace and strength. The psalmist reminds us of our desperate need, Psa 127:1.

Psa 127:1, “Unless the Lord builds a house, its builders labor over it in vain; unless the Lord watches over a city, the watchman stays alert in vain.”

Elyse Fitzpatrick quips, (Bold/Italic) "The obvious difference between Paul and us is that Paul bragged about his weakness, and we try to hide it" (Give Them Grace, 150). 

Do not hide your weaknesses. Admit them. Go to God for help; His strength will be sufficient. Weak parents have a mighty Savior!

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A PERSONAL NOTE FOR YOU

John 6:47 says: “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me [Jesus Christ] has everlasting life.”

Notice again what John 6:47 says, “he who believes in Me [Jesus Christ] has everlasting life.” It doesn’t say, “will have;” it says, “has.” Therefore, the very moment you believe Jesus Christ’s promise of everlasting life, you have it, and it can never be lost or taken away from you [John 10:28-29]. Furthermore, the gift of everlasting life [also called eternal life in Scripture] is available to every human being; there are absolutely no exceptions.

John 3:14-18 says: “And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.”

Eph 2:8-9, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: ⁹ Not of works, lest any man should boast.”

If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, I am here to tell you that Jesus loves you. He loves you so much that He gave His life for you. God the Father also loves you. He loves you so much that He gave His only Son for you by sending Him to the Cross. At the Cross Jesus died in your place. Taking upon Himself all of your sins and all of my sins. He was judged for our sins and paid the price for our sins. Therefore, our sins will never be held against us.

Right where you are, you now have the opportunity to make the greatest decision in your life. To accept the free gift of salvation and eternal life by truly believing that Jesus Christ died for your sins and was raised on the third day as the proof of the promise of eternal life. So right now, you can pause and reflect on what Christ has done for you and say to the Father:

"Yes Father, I believe that Your Son, Jesus Christ,
died on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins."

If you have done that, I Welcome You to the Eternal Family of God !!!

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Grace Fellowship Church
Pastor/Teacher: James H. Rickard
23 Messenger Street, Unit 3
Plainville, MA 02762

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